dream of me

staying alive on borrowed time
with plagiarized words that sounded better in the mouths of heroes
like a smack to the face or a needle to the vein
you’re nothing special but you’re so shocking to me
the things you omit are often the most important
but we’ll all pretend it doesn’t matter and we don’t know
it seems so strange that your face
isn’t all over the tv

for bank robbery
or treachery
but your mockery
isn’t worth anyone’s time

you’re the worst crook i’ve ever met
so brag of your shortcomings but they haven’t gotten you anywhere yet
there’s a better way to fight off insecurity
but you don’t have your own dreams, you just dream of me

my false shadow, keep on your toes
you’re never watching for the shot you’ll regret
caught up head over heels in what you feel
you’ll end up the victim of another beatdown in the key of clichéd
rebelling ninetofive in an office block
and you still haven’t realized it hasn’t happened yet
so you stay up late ranting at your fate
vocalizing pointless bouts of your dissent

your whitewashed ears
don’t listen to our jeers
but your mockery
isn’t worth anyone’s time

you’re the worst crook i’ve ever met
so brag of your shortcomings but they haven’t gotten you anywhere yet
there’s a better way to fight off insecurity
but you don’t have your own dreams, you just dream of me

where’s the role model you were looking for
i’ve got my foot propping open the door
always got your head in the crowds
drowning in the words you sing too loud

you’re hiding behind a façade
and i’ll expose you for your fraud

you’re the worst crook i’ve ever met
so brag of your shortcomings but they haven’t gotten you anywhere yet
there’s a better way to fight off insecurity
but you don’t have your own dreams, you just dream of me

written m9may2011.

justin

i.
there are no words for this.
there is no miracle combination of syllables
that will make you better
that will make you strong enough
to handle this.

ii.
never have my own issues
felt so belittled
a mere chemical imbalance
is nothing compared
to the hole ripped out of your universe

iii.
the way i dress now
is not a cry of defiance
but a symbol of mourning
these tears
are not me showing weakness
this is me paying my respects.

iv.
how can i think of myself now?
i do not deserve
to eat, to sleep, to smile
while you are suffering
so badly

v.
we can dedicate our lives to him
and it still won’t change the fact
that he’s gone.

written w11may2011.

in memoriam

wordless

she turns
sunlight glints over lenses over mocha eyes
chocolate hair
cut in a bob, sophisticated and daring
compared to her once-rapunzel-locks

she wears her favorite boots
and a smile
open as a dictionary and yet
i still can’t read her

she must have
a heart of steel
to put up with what i’ve dealt her
she is the page of cups
and i’m the nagging wild card
sneaking shuriken around every page turn

and yet she smiles through
the blood on her nimble calloused fingertips
counting one, two, three, four
while i sit in silence
streaked mascara and pulling hair
wondering which combination of words
will get me out of this one

she is the goddess of tolerance
and she deserves more
from me

written m25apr2011.

a birthday gift for a friend.