are too

[actually, i am not
much of anything right now]

 
and i.
 

there are days when i find it
immeasurably
desirable
to just rip my organs out-

-just rip them
right fucking out,
i never knew nails could dig through flesh like
that until she did it-

-blood spattering all over that painting i
just finished, dear what a waste i was
going to get an A on that.

maybe i still could.
 

there’s a hollow right behind my heart
that i can’t feel until you leave
i feel
incomplete without you,
i think
that’s what love is
but i don’t
can’t
love you
because if i did
i’d feel too guilty when i hurt you
and believe me darling i can hurt you.

 
[ icanhurtyou ]

 
there’s the kind of girl you don’t want to love
because she doesn’t care
[about you]
at all and that is me.

there’s that girl.
sitting on the rooftops
like she
gives a
damn
about her image
she’s not vain she’s just conflicted
and she’s sitting there
like she
gives a damn.

there’s a war going on
in my head and it’s
bloody gruesome.
the doctor diagnosed me
with self-induced apathy
and he was
so right
i
ripped my
heart
out-

i hate my emotions
so much i
tear them apart
and keep them
like secrets
in the pit of my stomach.
they’re better food than the lies she told me

and so much sweeter

and i [.]

lied too; forgive me,
dear.
forgive me for not wanting to feel.

i
am
too
afraid.

–

written f9dec2011.

late at night. manic and anxious.

–

Author: korey

minnesotan writer/musician. View all posts by korey