Category: poetry

of glorious plumage

i. descend

i’ve lost weight since we last met
we fit differently from before-
bird-thin, the both of us-
but this hollow in your feathered chest is
still where i feel most at home-
your jade eyes
a nest, to cultivate my happiness

i’ve been betrothed to the birds
you stayed back, earthbound
i fell, a cataract, from the red cliffs
you watched me sink, earthbound
i was ripped to shreds in the tundra
freezing and thirsty
and you listened instead to the flowers,
drowning me out as i whispered for help

they told you sunlight stories
when i was trapped in dusk
i was an inch from the edge of night
and you fled
so as to not be consumed.

 
ii. unpend

i know what i told myself-
i said i shed my mourning veil-
but i still weep for the morning lark,
your lightening song
haunting my brittle nightingale

i write you letters every night
with a fountain pen slathered in red ink
saying what i never could,
spilling my regret on the page

(wake up with bloody hands)

i should have known
you were no one to trust
you’re just a fledgling

we’re all so naïve.

 
iii. the end

i take flight, for brave is the man
who would leap from the bluff
to prove his worth;
for i can take action now-
i can say this now,
where before i sat on the sidelines

i will not wilt
in your arms
just for a moment
i will hold you tight
my prisoner

thank you for keeping me alive
i don’t need that anymore
thank you for staying by my side
when i had eyes set to kill

thank you for helping me to ascertain
that i’m no phoenix
thank you for participating in
my stupid guessing games

you were the match
to ignite my nicotine habits
but now i’m the one who’s
decided to spark and fade

green-eyes,
i’ve made a decision
and this time i’ll stick with it-
featherlight now,
i will make my escape

–

written t15may2012.

i love this one so much. and judging from the number of favorites it’s gotten on other sites, so do my fans.

–

shallow breaths

the sun comes down a little earlier around here
a hemisphere away and winter’s setting in
but i stopped feeling the cold
a while ago

it used to sting, stickily fresh
but now the wound’s healing
knitting together with paralyzing heat

with suffocating heat
just let me breathe

just
let me

i unzippered my chest the other day
let out the butterflies behind my ribcage
spilled sparrowsong from my wrists
good god, i’m finally free

you guys
are all
just
shallow believers

you guys are all
just

–

written m2apr2012.

another favorite of mine and my fans.

i like writing stuff about dying.

–

dosciertos

one.

i sound like a violinist-
look at me, just look at me-
i’m anything but pleasing
but even unwilling,
you’re the closest thing i have
to an audience.

forgive me
for spilling my guts,
i’m making such a mess.
we can go home and in the morning
none of this will have happened.

let’s take our mistakes
and pack them neatly away,
put in little boxes
in the back of our minds.
take the string
from your finger
and forget it all.

two.

i wish i could set fire
to the things that have been plaguing me
but metal doesn’t burn,
and neither do memories.

–

written f16mar2012.

i and a lot of other people are really fond of this one.

–

little things

and, well- maybe we won’t know each other anymore-
it’s likely that we’ll fade from each other’s lives
like faces in photographs that you keep on your desk
and pass by every day until one morning you pick it up
try to tag each face in the crowd
and say, i remember her, but what was her name-

maybe we’ll move on, maybe we’ll both grow up
to have beautiful wives and if i knew yours now
i’d be jealous and insecure, because i was never
good enough to be her-
if i knew her now i’d be jealous
but maybe by then i’d have grown up enough
to be okay not being perfect

most probably, you’ll replace me
and that in itself
is reasonable cause for panic-
i could hide in the corner for days
and weep just because i’m going to miss you
because in a few months i’ll be gone,
but all i care about
is that we’re here right now

agreeing (but not doing anything)
about how stupid people are
sharing dreams and
favorite melodies
or maybe just laughing
at some stupid joke you made

all i care
is that we’re here now
happy
and you don’t seem sick of me
and i actually feel like being alive
today

 
you asked me once,
why do you keep tying your shoes
when they’re bound to come undone
within the next five minutes

and i said,
you have to keep a hold
on the little things
or else
they’ll slip from your grasp

 
(i could ruin this right now
but-)

i know this isn’t forever
but i’d like to be here as long as i can

–

written r1mar2012.

this poem is top-heavy! but i like it that way. just fading away sleepily.

–

honor society blues

we are old souls, ancient at seventeen.
we wake, stiff-backed, to the same routine.

we’re supposed to be dewy-eyed.
we’re supposed to ask questions, we’re supposed to cry.
we’re supposed to break bones while trying to fly.

we scrape by.

we are honor-roll lovers
we come home to nagging papers,
make study dates,
don’t procrastinate

the light has been robbed from us
we no longer see the point
in wasting time trying to please ourselves

there is work to be done,
there are places to go, people to see
[but not now]
we cannot allow time to distract us

i will not invest in you
because i cannot afford it
                                    [poor college student]
i’m broke on love,
i spent it all on paper melodies

we laughed once
                                    [oh sweet irony]
then we started studying

he waits at the brink of exhaustion.
his hands are ink-stained,
his lips chapped from reciting, and
his eyes drift to the window

don’t lose sight of your goals, son.

inside, shivering,
her hands caress the piano,
her lips murmur,
her eyes see futures

where he sees grade point averages
she spins stories. she creates excuses;
from the tip of her tongue
spill carnations,
and that’s when she knows she
has gone too far,
again.

wait for college to grow up
wait for college to become yourself
wait for college to bloom
wait to come alive

we scrape by.

–

written w15feb2012.

small me says: “as the semester drags on, we all get buried under schoolwork. as an artist, i’ve got a little less of a burden.
i wonder how they can deal with so much work. they wonder how i can slack off so much.”

–

i know what you did last night

i.
if i stop singing,
i’m going to remember.
if i turn the music down,
i’ll start hearing your voice again,
and i don’t-
can’t-
won’t-
i won’t remember.
idon’twanttoremember.

ii.
i’ll sail the ship if i have to.
i’ll take any form of escape i can
dig up,
even if it leaves me
with blood under my
fingernails. just so long as
i don’t have to think.

iii.
your words burned my ears
(but they were painfully clear)
i don’t want this any-
i deplore
the venom in your words,
the poison i heard in your voice.

iv.
you can’t grow out of who you are.

v.
putting your words in my handwriting doesn’t make them any more beautiful.
i can’t make a poem of this.

vii.
i’m going, going, going.
gone.

viii.
if i stop singing, i’m going to hear him scream.
if i turn the music down, i’m going to remember.
i can’t do anything but sit behind the door and sing at the top of my lungs.

ix.
“the departure of the thief and monster
is far from over
but everything is gonna be just fine
everything will be just fine-

–

written m13feb2012.

reason number one why i like my music constantly blaring. i like being oblivious.

boys will be boys, right?

in italics: lyrics from “one day women will all become monsters” by the chiodos. https://youtu.be/pJ68Bd7XXJE

–

small creatures

she asked me,
if you were an animal what would you be
and i said a bird
because i’m flighty and i tend to babble

and there’s not much going on in my bird brain
and what there is
is all jumbled up and nonsense-

 
the little creature looks so pitiful,
but i keep it because it reminds me of myself.

 
i keep your left-behind things
and whisper your secrets to them

he used to unicycle, i said.

–

written r9feb2012.

i like my crazypoems. no one else knows what they mean but that’s okay.

–

self-determination

this land was raised on autonomy
i raised you on senses fail

you grew up ingrained with slivers of doubt
and i encouraged you all the way
because it was beautiful-
so sick, but it wasn’t a deathwish
it was a fashion statement
and it looked good on you

but i never meant to put you through this
i couldn’t have predicted the words from their mouths
and now you’ve turned to this-
i swear i never endorsed it

and i don’t find it so beautiful anymore,
the way you can’t make it through a single day
without wondering if life is worth the ridicule

if it’s your choice, i can’t stop you
if you really want to leave, there’s nothing i can say

but i need to let you know
that there are people here who need you
even if you can’t see it
and i know that vested deep within you
there’s still a will to live

but it’s your choice,
and there’s something lovely about self-determination
when you go down,
you can say you did it all by yourself
you can say that you finally got it right

–

written r2feb 2012.

small-me says: “the prompt was to write about something ugly and then find the beauty in it. and the first ugly thing i thought of was suicide. it is! very ugly! but then i had to find the beauty and now i look all emo. hey, kids. i do not endorse this. suicide’s not cool. peeps will miss you.”

–

joke’s on me

music brings us together
unless, of course, it doesn’t-

seven months since i mentioned green day to you
and you never admitted it,
but now you talk about them all the time

seven months since and i haven’t mentioned a single band you’ve liked
besides green day

and you talk about them like they’re the only thing we have in common
that and a few b-movies with cult followings,
movies you quote every single day-
and then you look to me to see if i laugh

i will always find you amusing
i will always love to see you smile
but i can’t pretend that it gets tiring,
not being able to find anything else to talk about.

 
you say you like the arts,
but i’ve never found you buried in words
never seen you drown in sentiment

i’m surprised i can take you seriously

my favorite anthology is one i took from my favorite college
during a visit three months ago
full of poetry from twenty-year-olds
who believe that they’re worth nothing
they’re worth everything to me

i hold words tightly to my chest
an invisible blanket woven equally from sarcasm and honesty
so that i can pluck out the right threads
when i talk to you

i’ll pretend i’m writing this for you
we both know i’m a horrible liar

it’s been seven months and i’m on the verge of unraveling
i’ll pretend it’s something romantic
and you’ll stare at me like i’m insane

but i’ve gotten used to it by now

 
you brush my serious words off like it’s just part of the joke
i only wanted to let you know how i feel
you know i’m melodramatic
i just wish you’d play along for once

i sing anthems about falling apart
and you sit there, waiting for the exciting bit

-music brings us together
unless, of course, it doesn’t

but i’ve gotten used to it by now

–

written a21jan2012.

this one was hard to post because it’s personal. it’s shitty in parts but there is good in it. don’t make fun of me.

–